Monday, February 28, 2011

the month of March

As I approach and enter the month of March
I have a growing heaviness in my heart.
At first I am not quite aware of it.
Then I wonder why it's there, why I feel so sad,
why I cry so easily.
But then I remember it's March.
It's the month of my firstborn's birthday.
He will be five this year.
But it's also the month of Katleen's birthday, and passing.
She would have been three this year.
There is much to celebrate in March.
But it is also the month of sadness,
of remembering,
of wondering what could have been.
This year there will be three children around her cake.
I still wish it was four. That she was here.
That she could blow out her own candles.
That we would hear her laughter, see her smile,
watch her as she would open her gifts.
I miss her.
It's March again.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

the world stops

Today a little baby girl joined my Kathleen in Heaven.
Today my world stops.

How can I go on doing life as normal on a day of such sadness?
How can I edit her pictures?
How can I work on my business website?
How can I look for hat patterns?
How can I do any of the things I had planned for today.
Because today is not another day.
Today is the day baby D died.
Today my world stops.

But I know it won't stop for long.
Tomorrow will be another day with things to do.

Tomorrow their world will still be stopped.
The world of baby D's parents.
And it will be stopped for a long time.

I remember when my world stopped.
I wish the whole world had stopped.
At least for a day, at least for a moment.
But it didn't..

And every day a baby dies. Every day a baby is born.
Every day there is sadness and there is joy.
We must mourn with those who mourn and
rejoice with those who rejoice.
I don't know how you do both, but I know God does
and He can show us how.

But today I mourn. Today my world has stopped.