These days I feel overwhelmed with happiness.
There was a time I thought I could never feel happy again.
But even before that time, before Kathleen died,
I did not think such happiness as this was possible.
I am reading through 'A Grace Disguised' by Jerry Sittser
and I am starting to understand.
To understand how it is ever possible to experience such great loss,
and then such great happiness.
The book explains how our soul grows through loss.
That loss enlarges the soul.
And although we may feel more sorrow, and more compassion,
we are also able to feel a greater happiness.
It's not a happiness I feel because I am healed.
Some losses you are healed from, like you heal from a broken limb.
Other losses are like an amputation. You never heal.
But you learn to live with it, and to live abundantly.
And you learn to use your amputation for something good.
I once met a guy who was born without limbs,
just one little foot with one toe.
Although he was born with this loss,
I am sure he experienced loss and suffering growing up.
But now he travels the world and encourages people beyond words.
With his little foot he does everything:
types on the computer, answers the phone, swims.. everything!
It is amazing what we are capable of doing, in spite of our amputations.
Or maybe because of them.
My life still has sorrow, not just my own but also the sorrow of others.
My life has darkness, but in the darkness a light shines so much brighter.
And these days there is much light. Much happiness. Much joy.
And I start to understand the words of Jesus:
"Blessed are those who mourn, because they shall be comforted".
I am comforted, and I am blessed.. and I am happy.
Thank you Kathleen for enlarging my soul.