Those who have read my very first blog know why I have titled this blog site 'Butterfly Tears' and why I am reminded of Kathleen every time I see a butterfly - as we released butterflies at her funeral. I can't express how thankful I am that we did this and that I have something to associate her with here on earth. I don't really buy things for my girl Kaitlin with butterflies, she is my flower, Kathleen IS my butterfly. I know not everyone understands this, and that's okay, because I know that unless you have lost a child there are many things you don't understand..
I walked out of Big Lots a couple of weeks ago with grateful tears in my eyes because I had found the perfect memory box for Kathleen. The week before I had picked up three boxes for my living children but decided against getting one for Kathleen - after all she has the memory box that was given to us at the hospital.. But when I got home I regretted it. Not only is the box not big enough but it also means a lot to me that she is treated equally to my other children, as equal as I can for her not being here physically.. As I headed back to the store I prayed that God would provide a box in the same style as my other childrens but with butterflies which they didn't have the week before. And there it was!!! I am so grateful to God that He provides and cares even about the 'small' details of our lives. This box meant so much to me.
My dream trip is a "Butterfly Trip" to Mexico where you see the thousands and thousands and thousands of monarch butterflies gathered in the trees. After Kathleen died I saw the trip featured on a travel show and just knew that one day I would love to go there. How overwhelming and how beautiful that would be.
Some may have noticed that I include a butterfly in some of my photography business design. It is my way on honoring and including Kathleen, although most won't know. But I actually believe it is because of her that I now do photography professionally. I was a volunteer photographer for forget-me-not before I started my business and it is certainly because of her that I do that! And doing that convinced me I can do anything - including pursuing my dream of having my own photography business.
For Sunday school today Kaleb's homework consisted of drawing a picture of heaven. He drew a picture of Jesus and Kathleen. And then as we sat in the service a butterfly came flying by!!! In the middle of winter, here is a butterfly, in the church! It reminded me that although Kathleen is in heaven and I am comforted that one day I will see her again, she is also present with us here, on earth - because we remember her, we speak her name.
Kathleen, my little butterfly.