Friday, May 21, 2010

bursting my bubble

Today I burst my protective bubble and faced pain.

I went to the hospital with another woman, mother, bereaved parent, to take pictures of a newborn. It wasn't a happy day though. Not like when my Kaden was born 3 months ago. This baby was stillborn. Beautiful and perfect but without life. I was there with 'forget me not' photography - a part of Providence Hospital services that takes pictures of babies that have passed away, or will pass away. Something I never imagined me doing. Something I never wanted to do. Something I thought I couldn't do. But God works in mysterious ways and God works our hearts.

When I was first faced with this opportunity my initial reaction was 'absolutely not'. I cannot face this pain, this raw pain of newly bereaved parents. I know what they are going through. I can feel what they are going through. I physically hurt for them. How can I go there and keep my composure? I imagined that to be impossible. Yet my second reaction was to pray. To hand this over to God. As I did I knew in my heart I was meant to do this. At least give it a try. And so there I was at the hospital.

It was painful. But I held it together and I survived.

And I could go home to my baby. Hold him and kiss him and thank God that he is in my life. What a miracle. What a blessing. My day went on. Not unaffected, but it went on. I took care of my family, I went shopping, went to the playground, even did a family photo shoot. And from time to time my thoughts would wander back to this family at the hospital and I'd say a little prayer for them. That they would find comfort in the midst of the pain. That they will receive all the support they need on the hard journey ahead. My heart is broken for them - but it is broken every day, and that's okay. I am learning to be okay with it, to live with it. The Lord will use this broken heart. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18).

We CAN do whatever God wants us to do.
So today I burst my bubble. And I'm okay.


  1. I seriously cannot think of a better person to be offering this service to people Karin. You do understand what families are going through. You know the grief and the journey because you live it. Im honoured to know you and your willingness to be of service to people to the glory of God.

  2. I"m glad you had this opportunity. Your family picture at the bottom of the post is beautiful.
    Email or message me if you want to share more. I'm honored to call you friend and blessed by your faith and witness as you follow God's leading.

  3. wow Karin. What a long way you have come in your journey and what compassion you have learned for other families going thru incredible pain. Because you have been there you know what they are going thru and you may not even have the right words still for them or for yourself, but you went. Its sounds condescending to say I am proud of you, but that is what comes to mind. Your blog is a beautiful journey, also difficult for you to write because you become open to other peoples opinions and judgments on your thoughts - which is wrong because it is your own journey. There are not words to express adequately how much I have seen you grow in your journey so I hope that you can see my heart. The fact that you are using your passion and your gift to bless families going thru pain is incredible and selfless. there is more to say but it will turn into a blog of its own. xx Kate

  4. God is using you, sweet friend! This is beautiful. I'm so proud of you for opening your heart in this way, and letting God use your brokenness.
    With you in the pain, Red